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FreezeFrame: What CODE GEASS Would Look Like If It Were Hollywood

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FALSE SPOILER ALERT: Experts (me) speculate that somewhere around episode 137, Lelouch will mistakenly attempt to re-Geass Orange-kun, resulting in a prompt bullet to the head. Upon seeing this gruesome scene, Suzaku goes psychokaede seed-mode and rushes the entire Britannia army, destroying all the troops with his slick moves and nasty demeanor. Unfortunately, the eighteen brother of Clovis had long suspected Suzaku’s traitorous intentions and activates the self-destruct on Lancelot Strike Freedom, reducing the lone male entry in Harem de Lulu to smithereens. Naturally, Nunnaly watches this happen (wait…) and goes into a blind rage (…dammit), causing her to run over the rest of the student council in her nuclear wheelchair before bursting into flames from accumulating Nina’s rising body heat and Kallen’s extra-strength-yet-flammable hair spray. Oh, and C.C. didn’t survive her coronary angioplasty from all the pizza grease.

So now all the actors are dead, but as experience has taught us, they will be back, in some shape or form, probably after episode 137.5. Who do we replace them with? In a special FreezeFrame as proposed by one of Omni’s anime-entourage, I give you…

The Replacements

Student Council President: Paris Hilton, The Simple Life
Token blonde who flaunts her sexuality, taking on an air of know-it-all superiority to cover her “I actually have no idea what’s going on” to attract attention to herself. Never touches the pizza for fear of losing her Carl’s Jr. contract. Runner up: Jessica Simpson, Newlyweds

Kallen: Keira Knightley, Pirates of the Caribbean
Finally cracks under the criticism and gets breast augmentation. Gives a solid performance but still lacking in some areas. Runner up: Jenna Jameson

Shirley: N/A
Tagged with a “do not resuscitate” sign. Instantly forgotten. Runner up: The kid who plays the tree at the school play

Nunnally: That little girl in E.T., E.T.
Such a spirited, precocious little one. That, and the fact that she appears in a Playboy about thirteen years later makes her appeal all the more understandable. She’s not really blind, or handicapped, is she? Runner up: Timmy, South Park

Nina: Prince, Purple Rain
The quiet, soft-spoken guy girl sexual maniac in the corner of the room who never draws any attention, but when the spotlight is on them, has the ability to completely steal the show. Probably shouldn’t be left in a room alone with…anyone. Runner up: Hermione Granger, Harry Potter

Euphemia: Goto Maki, Morning Musume
Suffers from an extreme inferiority complex – but who can blame her? She has a b-list seiyuu, can’t sing, can’t command troops, can’t fly a gundam, and her best outfit was when she didn’t have one on at all. It’s like Koda Kumi is Lacus and Goto Maki is the cheap knockoff, having all the components but none of the soul, falling short in every aspect. Not saying that Goto Maki should ever be in Hollywood, of course… Runner up: Antonella Barba, American Idol

Suzaku: Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
The proverbial “damaged goods” character, having some dark transgression in the past that freaks him out whenever someone mentions it. Not that it doesn’t prevent him from dropping 81 points on the unsuspecting enemy. Problem is, no matter how hard he tries, he’s still a loser and a pawn to the bigger picture. Runner up: Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

C.C.: Judi Dench (circa 1955), 007
She might just be coming into her prime in her later years, but you can bet she was a curvaceous hottie during her younger days. Sharp and cross, this girl doesn’t take lip from anybody – not to mention she’s always the one giving orders. Costumes? No problem – did you see her in Shakespeare in Love? Runner up: Cortana, Halo

Ledouche: Keanu Reaves, The Matrix
He’s one of those guys that does the whole “cool” act cuz he’s actually a big nerd that everybody would push around otherwise. That said, it’s like he was born to wear a trench coat; Keanu also has plenty of experience being “the replacement,” going on an “excellent adventure” with a close male partner, not to mention he’s rarely seen without his Trinity or his Sandra Bullock. Runner up: He is “The One” – there can be no other

I can totally see Judi Dench ordering around poor Keanu, as cool as he might look. Or how about Goto Maki telling Kobe that she loves him? How about Keira Knightly with some double D’s? Prince and some table action?

Shrek would make a great Ougi…got a mega hottie cooking for him and does nothing…

-jaalin

March 13, 2007 at 12:48 am
35 comments »
  • March 13, 2007 at 12:50 amOmni

    I can’t believe you actually wrote this thing up entirely….

    Based on your criteria for Nina, Michael Jackson would be a good fit….now that’s a scary thought…

  • March 13, 2007 at 1:05 ammini

    BRILLIANT A+++++++++

  • March 13, 2007 at 1:10 amBeaner-kun

    Oh man, I can’t stop laughing…this is too funny…good job on putting this together

  • March 13, 2007 at 1:19 amJuvyniled

    Awww, that’s cruel:
    E.T. as Nunnally…. -_-;

  • March 13, 2007 at 1:28 amKarasuhebi

    LOL, that was awesome. I LOVED the first paragraph, that was genius.

    BTW, you misspelled “Nunnally”.
    http://www.geass.jp/img/chara_05.jpg

    -Karasuhebi

  • March 13, 2007 at 1:39 amOskar Anly EX

    what the hell?

  • March 13, 2007 at 1:40 amKenta

    good read. love your imagination.

  • March 13, 2007 at 1:53 amordnance11

    My first choice for C.C would had been Catherine Zeta-Jones rather than Dame Judi. 2nd Choice would had been Jane Seymour.

  • March 13, 2007 at 2:06 amYuri Rocks

    Harry Potter and Hermione both as potential replacement for Nina? Be afraid, be very afraid…

    Way to go. This was really funny.

  • March 13, 2007 at 2:19 amquigonkenny

    “Nunnally: … Runner up: Timmy, South Park”
    Great, now I won’t be able to watch any scene with her in it anymore without expecting her to bust out with “Nunnally!” every few seconds… ^_^

  • March 13, 2007 at 2:24 amseeker4life

    ROTFLOL

  • March 13, 2007 at 3:56 ambuh

    Jennifer Love Hewitt would make a good Shirley, thats all i’m gonna say.

  • March 13, 2007 at 5:33 amXY

    what is this? nothing to write nemore? Goto Maki is my fav pls do not write that way

  • March 13, 2007 at 6:06 amkurotsuki

    so , what is is that everyone as against Shirley ?

  • March 13, 2007 at 8:36 amEld

    lolz nice lulu would make a great neo

  • March 13, 2007 at 8:42 amSarsa-chan

    ^ Bcoz atm she doesn’t seem to be important, an unnecessary character

    Thanx for the wondrous read Jaalin. I laughed a lot, especially C.C.->Judi Dench

  • March 13, 2007 at 10:40 amHyper

    For the record, the little girl in ET is Drew Barrymore. XD

  • March 13, 2007 at 11:06 amNicholas

    LOLOL. xDDD Excellent, LMAO.

  • March 13, 2007 at 11:26 amloo-daugh

    Impressive anaylsed piece of information, jaalin, i was like….”lolololol” all the way through! d^-^b

  • March 13, 2007 at 11:35 amlinkinstreet

    Keanu reeves as lulu?? Noess!!!! I DEMAND CHOW YUN FATT!!! HE LOOKS MUCH BETTER IN A TRENCHCOAT! (A better tomorrow rings a bell?)

  • March 13, 2007 at 2:49 pmpsychohare

    i’ll be satisfied with Keanu Reeves, his Matrix karma shall never die…

  • March 13, 2007 at 4:35 pmChiu^2

    the hell???? First, it was harem, and now it’s Hollywood. What next, game, fast food toy(s), action figures,…..??????? On a brighter note, though, Code Geass seems to be getting more popular by the minute. this series has been mentioned 4 TIMES(including this one) within a week!!!!GO, CODE GEASS, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • March 13, 2007 at 6:50 pmRasmiel

    98/100, good job. Minus 2 for treating Shirley like that. >:)

  • March 13, 2007 at 8:11 pmquina

    102/100
    +2 for Shirley’s comment

  • March 13, 2007 at 9:34 pmShiNN

    *yawns*

    well…

    yeah. Uh, nice read.

    :\

  • March 13, 2007 at 10:25 pmkyrin

    -mimics ludouche’s face-
    good one!

  • March 14, 2007 at 10:52 amShinSenshi

    DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF

    Kowai yo.

  • March 14, 2007 at 7:50 pmKanni

    100/100
    Doesn’t care what happens to shirley~!

  • March 14, 2007 at 10:20 pmVan

    Nunnally: That little girl in E.T., E.T.

    That lil girl in ET is actually Drew Barrymore, LAWL

  • March 14, 2007 at 11:16 pmJeanette

    LOL…
    …is all i can say.

  • March 14, 2007 at 11:42 pmmoondoggiebuiscuit

    !O_o
    Cool!

  • March 16, 2007 at 8:21 pmAreida

    ROFL. Love your imagination…

    now im just wondering who would be orange-kun..xD~

  • July 8, 2007 at 10:07 pmMirari

    Nunnally as Timmy xDDDDDD

  • May 13, 2008 at 10:49 amAndresa

    “Lancelot Strike FREEDOM” -> XD

  • March 19, 2009 at 5:39 pmfailure2see

    you spelt lelouches name wrong so it’s LEDOUCHE!!! XD loooooolllllz