This is what Naruto could and should have been…then I would’ve kept watching it instead of using it as the butt end of every bad anime joke.

Summary:

Unapologetic apology for delay: was watching AFK’s excellent Lucky Star sub!

We start off with some old-school Okami lookin’ art and some Naruto music in the background (you know the one with the drums and the guys goin HUA! HOH!) – apparently Suzu is telling a story! Turns out the men of the island were out at sea as they do every year to catch their huge spiny red tuna, but this particular year, they all got pwned by a huge tidal wave about 15 thousand leagues larger than the one that carried Ikuto to the island of many virgins.

So while she’s telling the story, she grabs two of the three oversized mochis on the plate between her and Ikuto, and chows them down merrily. The thing is, a good wife would never take more than half of the share, so this could raise some issues down the road for Ikuzu…er…Sukuto…yea. On the other hand, a skinny girl with a big appetite is kinda hot too. Anyways, Suzu finishes her story up quick and seamlessly transitions into “well, I’m sure you’re tired, so let’s go to sleep!” as she slides open the veranda doors exposing…side by side futons! Cue instant Ikuto nosebleed. Like a good high class escort, Suzu heads to the shower first while Ikuto gets ready in bed…

So Ikuto’s hiding under his sheets in fetal position, terrified of the half-naked covered-only-by-towel girl that previous experience has taught us will surely walk out of the shower soon. Hey, what do you think this is, some cheap harem show? Turns out sneaky jailbait Ayane espionaged her way into the bedroom to convince Ikuto to leave with her (at least she asks for consent). Naturally, Ikuto lets out a “noooooo loli!!” cry which reaches the ears of a half-dressed already-boob-wrapped Suzu, who catches Ayane in the process of kawarimi no jutsu’ing Ikuto with an eggplant that would easily be cast in a Miracle-Gro commercial (now I’m assuming that the kawarimi used in the first ep was a giant daikon radish, so I’m guessing Ayane has some gigantic underground vegetable garden, cuz I didn’t see it in that overhead shot. Maybe she’s the one that grows the rice, too…). Of course, the two girls soon engage in a bouncy (well, one of them) altercation resulting in further blood loss through his nose. Suzu sees Ikuto snorting a puddle of blood and finishes off the fight with some shadow eggplant-shuriken technique which sends Ayane flying. As she holds him between her bosom, she notices one, two…no…the presence of dozens of…possessed women! Terrifying memories of Dead Rising, High School of the Dead, Resident Evil grip their nerves. But no, it’s not brains these women want…it’s Ikuto’s…well, they all have their reasons. Anyways, they’re saved by the old hag, who comes up with a solution to solve the single male issue, while maintaining the important values of fair competition, monogamy, and fidelity.

The game is simple – “tag” – first one to catch Ikuto before sundown wins his rights! (If only the NBA draft worked like this…then I wouldn’t have to watch losers like the Grizzlies waste away the best big man prospect since Shaq like 14 years ago) Of course, if nobody catches him, he’s free to choose whatever. So Ikuto’s feeling pretty good about this, since he’s pretty athletic and all, and girls are supposed to suck at sports. Costly assumption. It’s like how a cornered chihuahua can turn into White Fang all of a sudden – these are girls going after their first taste of “OTOKO” in their repressed lives. Like a pack of rabid hyenas they charge the unsuspecting Ikuto – could the game of marriage tag be over in mere seconds? Not if Suzu has anything to say – she launches her rasengankatsu and bowls over the mob.

At this point I’m wonder what the deal is with that huge girl. I’m reminded of a Far Side comic where these prehistoric kids are on a basketball court, but nobody brought a ball. There’s a dumb-lookin’ kid in the group with a fantastically large and round head; the caption below reads “birth of headhunting.” Regardless, I wouldn’t be too interested if she actually turned out to be a character with a name…

Anyways, Ayane is elsewhere, still delirious from the eggplant missile. Apparently she hasn’t heard about the game going on…

Back to Ikuto, where Rin is hot on his trail. Supposedly, in addition to wanting to get married, she wants to shake the image of her being a lesbian…after executing some deft branch-hopping moves she grabs on a vine and does her best Jane of the Jungle impression… and is immediately intercepted by Suzu with what looks to be a crotch x butt bump…

Next on his trail is that insane bipolar chick Chikage, who after sneaking up on him reveals that she’s not interested in marriage (then again, most ppl aren’t when they are like…15…her facebook profile would probably read something like “random play” and “whatever I can get”). She’s got some trap set up ahead, which Suzu gingerly and tactically manipulates in such a way which ends up getting Chikage herself trapped…

By about now the rest of the nameless cast has discovered Ikuto’s location and all run after him. Suzu executes some S-class jounin moves and disposes of them one by one, leaving Ikuto wondering what the hell he was running from in the first place. He probably should’ve been more worried about where he was running to, as he soon walks over a ledge, grabbing on at the last second before falling into a crisp and refreshing yet still menacing river. As he pulls himself up, he finds himself face to face with…uh oh…the queen of dharts herself.

Machi makes a few freakish faces at Ikuto, which causes him to jump in to the river willingly. Meanwhile, on the other river bank, a sheepish Ayane gets thrown over by a hysterical Suzu. Ayane is soon shot in the neck with a dart by Machi, and falls into the river herself, while Suzu runs after them.

So Ikuto is gasping for air in the menacing river; of course, the current is fast because it leads to a waterfall – in this case, one that makes Victoria Falls look like a catheter stream. Ikuto falls down face first while Suzu dives after him. Just as she is about to get a hold of him (no idea what she was planning to do after…), Yukino skies out of nowhere on her huge badass-looking hawk and grabs him. Ayane falls down too, and calls for her bird as well (remember the roundish looking blue cockatrice from the first ep?), who skies down to whisk her away…except this particular bird is one of those flightless types (probably next on the extinction list), and both careen into the pool below (if this were looney tunes we’d see bugs hold up a sign with a 1.2 score).

The madness continues as I run out of breath and the badass hawk runs out of grip, dropping Ikuto into the forest below. Uh oh, it’s the eastern woods…land of the…giant man eating plants and combat pandas. Ikuto busts out his best Ippo impression against the plants but keels at the sight of the towering panda (think Boykins vs Shaq…or maybe Mari Yaguchi vs Bob Sapp). Anyways, Suzu pops out of nowhere (she must’ve ran two miles in 30 seconds) and does the Xiaoyu square + x throw on the panda. She turns around and offers her hand to help up Ikuto…

Wait, if I touch her, that means I’ll lose! I gotta get outta here! As Ikuto is about to scuttle off again, the bear gets up for round 2 and swipes his massive paw at Suzu… and it probably would have ripped her into three panda bite-sized pieces, had Ikuto not pushed her out of the way, taking the hit for himself (so is getting hit by a car or taking a full swing from a panda worse? I’d say Ikuto could smoke Hayate any day). Regardless, Ikuto is launched a sizeable distance comparable to Ayane’s blunt eggplant injury.

Speaking of Ayane, she’s realized that everybody’s in a competition for Ikuto, and immediately springs into action…

Right when everybody’s got Ikuto surrounded, Ayane unleashes some suspicious purple sleeping gas that knocks everyone out. Suzu tries to stop her but takes a dart to the forearm. A paralyzed Ikuto reaches out: “Why do you go to such lengths against Suzu…!”

“Well,” Ayane’s eyes light on fire, her teeth turn jagged, “she’s beat me at every freakin’ thing ever! It’s pissin’ me off!!! What’s more…” (cue uncensored fondling) “WHY ARE THEY BIGGER THAN MINE!!!!” Further blood loss ensues. Ikuto manages to escape, though, and does his own version of eggplant kawarimi as Ayane chases the eggplant over the edge of a cliff…

And the sun sets. Has our hero won?!!!

Ah, guess not. When he was shoving Suzu out the way to take the panda paw, he grabbed Suzu’s D cups (it’s important to note that her cup size is variable depending on the level of detail and the situation they are used in). So, Suzu is the winner! What does she plan on naming their children?

“I don’t need him!” …she chirps as she turns down the grand prize. “Ikuto should have the right to decide who he wants to marry!”

At this point I get mad and immediately start scouring irchighway for doujins.

-jaalin

52 Comments

  1. moyism’s quick comment on this series was great:

    “yet-out-of-the-closet main hero stuck on a lone island with horny females aiming to bone him 24/7/365”

    so true and so hilarious. XD

    kiryuu
  2. This is what Naruto could and should have been…then I would’ve kept watching it instead of using it as the butt end of every bad anime joke. More to follow!

    You…are…my…HERO!

    Rasmiel
  3. Sailor Enlil:

    Well, it was actually the first girl who touches Ikuto wins. In other words, yes Suzu’s “victory was kind of a cheat since she was /touched by Ikuto/ rather than /toughec Iktuo/, but oh well, lol.

    Anyway, not to say that I didn’t enjoy this episode 😛 , but I’m greatly looking forward to next week where, if they continue to stick with the manga, we’ll get a Machi episode. 😀

    Shinji103
  4. This is what Naruto could and should have been…then I would’ve kept watching it instead of using it as the butt end of every bad anime joke

    Nagasarete Airantou is nothing beside number one anime naruto only bleach can be compared to naruto

    qwertypoiuy
  5. Number one anime? Oh please, naruto’s popularity stems from legions of fanboys who gush over ninjas and ninja fights. That anime is not winning any awards for stimulating plot and character development -.-

    on another note, what is with Ikuto? I bet there are like a million guys who would kill to be in his position “yet-out-of-the-closet main hero” indeed.

    DG04
  6. A million immature, entirely hormone-driven guys whose idea of a pickup line is to make lewd comments about a girl’s rack probably. I’m not sure where the idea started, but the kind of guy who would immediately bone any girl that agreed to it is not as numerous as people might think, imo. First, Ikuto hasn’t let go of his home in Japan. Settling in Airantou would mean leaving all that behind. I highly doubt Ikuto’s a kind of guy who’s a loner and has no friends or loving family members. Second, he’s Japanese. They take this sort of thing way more seriously than we Westerners do. Third, he’s fourteen for crying out loud. He’s basically a kid, and boning all the girls on the island would be like getting dozens of pre-teens in our society pregnant at the same time. I suppose some guys think it’s cool to be a pimp of sorts that lords over some huge harem of slavish girls, but let’s face it: most guys would like a healthy, well-developed relationship with one girl.

    Anonynekobaka
  7. “This is what Naruto could and should have been…then I would’ve kept watching it instead of using it as the butt end of every bad anime joke. More to follow!”

    I TOTALLY AGREE!!!

    Hudson
  8. Nagasarete Airantou is nothing beside number one anime naruto only bleach can be compared to naruto

    I agree actually…I think Naruto IS number one anime in its very own *coughCRAPTASTICcough* terms… >.>

    Rasmiel
  9. @ qwertypoiuy
    hahahahahahahaha Oh wow
    NO

    Naruto and Bleach are typical filler-hell still-on-namek shounen anime, they are nothing compared to many other animes, wath something like nausica, desert punk, grave of the fireflys, geass, ms gundam, heck, any anime but naruto or bleach. Even DBZ is better than naruto.

    Alastor
  10. Jaalin > There is a nagasarete doujin in irc somewhere? o_O, or is that just random doujins you are looking for >.>

    Sailor Enlil> It’s basically what Shinji103 said.

    Naruto as no. 1 anime? even if it stayed true to the story, it’s still far from being number 1. The manga is also the same, I mean 1 whole volume for a single fight which we already know who will win at the end, thats overkill, totally milking the series. Good guys always wins, that is the weakness of almost every Shounen show with a few exceptions.

    Endz
  11. “A million immature, entirely hormone-driven guys whose idea of a pickup line is to make lewd comments about a girl’s rack probably. I’m not sure where the idea started, but the kind of guy who would immediately bone any girl that agreed to it is not as numerous as people might think,”

    First of all I dont think any of the previous comments about “yet our of closet hero and island full of horny babes” are actually serious, but since someone took it seriously…

    I dont know about your highschool life but I can tell you that while I and the majority of my friends may not be out to “bone any girl”, at the same time we werent exactly looking for intelligent conversation in dates. And not to mention that maturity as a whole was not really common in any of the highschools I have been to.

    “Settling in Airantou would mean leaving all that behind. I highly doubt Ikuto’s a kind of guy who’s a loner and has no friends or loving family members. Second, he’s Japanese. They take this sort of thing way more seriously than we Westerners do”

    I’d admit personally that I havent thought about that kind of attachment, since due to personal reasons I have moved around alot and have attended several differant schools during my highschool years. While I did have friends at each one I am not really attached to any place in particular to really give it much thought. Ofcourse Ikuto may be differant in that respect but the fact that he ran away from home or particularly his father must mean that he did not particularly care for the guy, I know I didn’t look back when I left home when I could legally live on my own. And I dont see how being Japanese has anything to do with it, I am Chinese and family certainly means alot to us as well but I have not seen my family in almost two years now -.-

    “Third, he’s fourteen for crying out loud. He’s basically a kid, and boning all the girls on the island would be like getting dozens of pre-teens in our society pregnant at the same time. I suppose some guys think it’s cool to be a pimp of sorts that lords over some huge harem of slavish girls, but let’s face it: most guys would like a healthy, well-developed relationship with one girl.”

    Again I think you are taking those comments too seriously especially given the nature of this series… I dont get how pre-teen pregnancy comes in here since most of the girls we see in the show are in their teens or older, but you are right most adult guys would like a healthy and well developed relationship with one girl. However that does not stop us from making raunchy jokes and comments about things like “…a pimp of sorts that lords over some huge haren of slavish girls.” But lets face it, most highschool relationships dont last long and most of the time it’s based on having fun rather then a deep meaningful relationship, although it can develope into one if it lasts long enough.

    And noone said anything about him going out with all of them at once, it is concievable that Ikuto can like one of the girls enough to go out with her but break up at a later date because it does not work out and then going out with another girl and so on. Relationships don’t always work out as I am sure anyone here can attest to, and the happy ending where you end up marrying your ‘first love’ is very rare indeed.

    DG04
  12. Hmm, I don’t get this….wasn’t Suzu confused in the last episode about Ikuto being a guy? It was like she’d never seen one before. Yet she talks about the men of the island now?

    Justin
  13. Suzu wasnt confused that Ikuto being a guy. She didn’t know what a guy was. When the grandmother told her, all her doubts were erased. Of course she knows about men =/. Afterall, she did have parents. Because she doesn’t have any parents. There is no one to tell her more about men. She might have known her father when she was very young that she forgot already.

    Endz
  14. AT-Translations is scanlating the manga. They’ve done it up to the end of volume 4.

    The rest, up to volume 11, you’ll have to get in raw format from something like Winny or Share.

    Shinova
  15. kyaaa xD this episode is just insane xD xD xD

    and seriously, naruto is NOT the #1 anime *shudders.* the manga is OK, but iho those who see naruto as the #1 ANIME are either first time anime watchers, naruto fanboys, are incapable of watching anything other than shounen.

    and naruto better than haruhi? than evangelion? than ghost in the shell? than LAIN? BLASPHEMY!!! >.>/

    mewmew
  16. This anime and seto no hanayome are the BEST comedies from this season and if it wasn´t for gintama….it would have been from the whole year!!
    this are my 3 LET´S HAVE SOME REAL HARD STOMACHACHE FROM LAUGHING ^_^
    I JUST LOVE THAT SHIT DUDES AND EVEN IF THERE´S PLENTY OF CLICHE JOKES AND FANSEVICE!
    ” I DON´T FUCKING CARE!! ” Watashi wa PROTAKU DAKARA( FOR THE JAPANESE OTAKU IS A SICK VICIOUS PERSON BUT FOR ME ” IT´S PURE LOVE ” FOR SOMETHING YOU REALLY LIKE…Like women for example WHO DOESN´T WANNA GET LAID SOME TIMES HUH?????? T_T

    tensai_otaku
  17. @mewmew
    i mean by #1 anime that it is the most popular
    and i have seen evangelion (may be the best show in human history)and ghost in the shell
    but haruhi naruto is better million time than it and i mean million time
    but you are correct at a point i am a crazy fanboy of naruto and shounen
    but i saw a huge number of anime series i think over 100 but naruto still one of the best

    qwertypoiuy
  18. Naruto is not #1 most popular. For shounen, that crown goes to one piece. In Japan, statistics shows that One Piece has way more viewers than Naruto. I also believe One Piece will be more popular than Naruto internationally, once FUNImation will released its own tv version. The 4kids version is crapfest, it doesnt do one bit of justice to One Piece. Because of that, Naruto is more popular to the english viewers.

    Endz
  19. i don’t get why people start comparing Nagasarete Airantou to Naruto since they are two different genres of shows.

    anyways can’t wait to watch this episode! although it’s somewhat different to the manga.. but can’t wait!

    Chavenz
  20. For some reasons, I am not too fond of this episode. I hope that the next episode will be more interesting.

    I always wanted to get the Manga in the past but after this episode, I am not too sure….

    Random
  21. Oh, ok, i get that part about why Suzu doesn’t know about guys. I was confused cos the summary above said they all got pwned by that big wave one year ago when it was actually 12 years ago….makes more sense now.

    Justin
  22. You should know that people have their own opinion on things, and in this case the general opinion is that Naruto is a great anime. IMHO As an anime, Nagasarete Airantou fails, there have been so many other harem animes that have done it so much better, let me name a few:

    Negima
    Ichigo 100%
    Ai Yori Aoshi
    Shuffle
    Vandread

    Archer
  23. While I agree with Ai Yori Aoshi and Shuffle!, I disagree with Negima. That was not a harem anime…I guess if you go along those technical details, A.Y.A. isn’t either…

    thenightsshadow

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