「覆水盆に返らず」 (Fukusuibon ni Kaerazu)
“No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk”
At last, it’s Everybody Fighting Time on Durarara!!. Basically, it’s the payoff episode, where after much anticipation our cast of brawlers finally get to brawling. Even Masaomi has charged up long enough and is finally on the move, though by the time he gets here there might not be much for him to except to drop by and take tea.
What we get is not exactly a giant Ikebukuro-engulfing superstorm, but it does set a lot of our cast in motion—there are a lot of fights, and many rounds. I’m going to break things up into matchups so we can sort through the chaos systematically.
Dotachin vs Rocchi
This is the main fight of the episode, or at least the longest one. Considering the kind of superhumans Durarara!! usually deals with, it was actually somewhat strange watching two blokes engage in a prolonged bout of plain ol’ fisticuffs. Not that it wasn’t a ridiculous fight anyway—I mean, who uses flying kicks in real fights, especially to intercept another flying kick? I was actually half expecting (and hoping) that the fight would devolve into full parody mode, with the two men slapping each other with large trouts or something, but alas things are settled traditionally.
This was actually one of the more significant showdowns of Durarara!!, as far as the narrative goes, since it’s supposed to be Toromaru leader vs the Dollars leader-by-proxy, but it all ends anticlimactically. If they were going to end up making compromises in anyway then perhaps the two of them could have resolved things with a few less broken ribs and a few more teeth. I guess men need to beat the testosterone out of each other before they can talk.
Yakuza vs Russians vs Anri vs whomever
The yakuza have had a pretty poor showing this season, losing mooks, failing to catch suspects, and generally lacking success in all fields. And the moment Celty releases Akane back into their custody, they lose her. Poor Akane, still being passed around like a bowl of chips. I hesitate to describe her as a normal girl caught up in other peoples’ messes, because while she is a good kid, ‘normal’ isn’t exactly right. It takes a unique kind of thinking to surmise that the proper response to a hitman going after your family is to kill him first. No matter her upbringing, it seems Akane is a born yakuza.
Meanwhile, nobody really knows that there are Russians about conducting sabotage, leaving Va/orona free to have a go at killing Anri again, though considering how well that went last time I’m surprised she’s still trying to melee her. The anti-materiel rifle would probably have done better. Though I guess our Russian assassins had no way of knowing that Anri can somehow resist flashbangs, because red eyes or something. Well, swords don’t have eyes; who knows how Saika sees. More interesting is how Anri still calls herself a parasite, though surely she can be promoted to at least ‘symbiote’ by now, considering how she’s actively protecting her host. Or some metaphor like that. It’s not like your tapeworm will fight hooligans for you. Ungrateful invertebrates.
Dollars vs itself
It’s hard to call the Dollars its own organisation anymore, since it seems that every other person is a Dollars. Even the yakuza are in the Dollars (but, funnily enough, none of the police or any other sort of legal authority). Even the Freemasons, the least secret secret organisation, has membership rules. If your membership subset is ‘everybody’ with neither rules nor allegiences, then you’re not really a discrete group, are you?
It’s only to be expected that members of Dollars form groups themselves, and only really identify with the Dollars franchise when convenient. We’ve got the kidnappers, which seems to be a collection of all of Durarara!!‘s small-time villains of no significance. I’m surprised they’re all still around, actually. Considering all the poor life choices they’ve made, I guess they’re actually a rather fortunate lot. Fortunate, but still pathetic. This time, they’re beaten by a cavalcade of Dollars cameos and crazy people, though I guess one should never underestimate crazy people. The point is, with random Dollars having to reign in other random Dollars it’s just anarchy out there. You might as well take all the Twitter users and call them a colour gang.
No, hashtivism doesn’t count. Stop that.
Shizuo enters, which means it’s about time for us to wrap the fight up. The whole gang on gang stuff will probably forcibly settle down, and those still raring to go will have to change partners next week. And even the Russians may not be able to stay for long; their parents are here to pick them up.
Conspiracies still abound though, which will probably have to be saved for next season. Of note, Shinra raised the possibility that someone could be masquerading as Izaya, but who would do an Izaya impression other than Izaya himself. I can think of one guy, perhaps with help from a certain disloyal secretary. Messing with Izaya is a dangerous game, though, so I hope whomever it is knows what they are doing. And who’d want to be Izaya, anyway? What a terrible job.