And here we have it, the Good End of Unlimited Blade Works, covered on RandomC by popular(?) demand. I wasn’t actually planning to write anything about it at first because 1) it’s short and entirely lacking in substance so I didn’t really have anything to write about, and 2) I’ve stated in the past that True Ends > Good Ends and, no sir, I am not going to back down from that indisputable opinion. For those of you who insist on standing against the order of the universe by still liking Good Ends, here’s why you are wrong both factually and morally:
Good Ends are happy.
Yes, happiness. How very crass. Even the ancient Greeks, who thought that health was governed by humours, knew that Comedy was second-rate faff best left for the unwashed masses. The high art was Tragedy, not this happy-ending nonsense. Who’s going to win an Oscar for being happy? What, did you think Schindler’s List ended with nothing bad happening to the Jews ever again? Spoilers: the sequel ain’t Springtime for Hitler. Suffering and death—that’s where it’s at. What if the Little Mermaid doesn’t turn into foam at the end? Or if everybody survives in the Hunchback of Notre Dame? They’ll just become beloved children’s classics, and nobody wants that.
‘But Passerby,’ I hear someone saying, ‘the True End of Unlimited Blade Works was happy too!’. Firstly, don’t interrupt me and secondly, shut up. The point is that in the True End, Saber dies like a good heroine. Now what is she? The star of some soap opera, apparently, where she’s adopted by Rin, who needs Shirou to provide, er, ‘child support’. Which in this setting means… alien space dolphins! That’s where babies come from, kids; the space dolphins bring them. And then something something hydrogen bombs something Thetans.
(Memo to self: quit RandomC and start a religion. It’ll pay better.)
Instead of sticking around and killing the Emiya household food budget, Saber could have died with dignity instead. It’s not even about tragic catharsis or finding fulfillment or meaningful narrative resolution anymore; it’s about leaving on a high note. Get out while the going is good. Death is a respite, where nobody can hurt you anymore. But now, instead, Type-Moon will milk your character for all eternity. How many flavours of Saber are there now? Blue Saber, Red Saber, Saber of Red, Saber Alter, Saber Lily… and now there’s Fate/Grand Order which means ALL OF THE SABERS ALL OF THE TIME. How long must this farce continue? Just let the poor girl rest in peace.
But no, you plebs wanted a Good End. Have it your way. Back in my day, we earned our catharsis. Barefoot in the snow, uphill both ways, not even a good end in Saber’s own Fate route. The heroine is dead? Well, we were fine just being bitter about it, thank you very much. Now there’s this newfangled Realta Nua nonsense, everyone lives, even Illya gets to be a magical girl. I don’t care anymore. Good End it is then! Here’s more Saber! Here’s more Rin! Here’s more teeth-rotting sugar! Bread and circus for everyone! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!
Full-length images: 08.