Doukyonin wa Hiza, Tokidoki, Atama no Ue – 11

「巡る想い」 (Meguru Omoi)
“Feelings Crossing”

“But going out means seeing people.”

That was one of the first things Subaru said in the first episode that left an imprint. My first impression of Subaru was that he was rude and a little selfish. He disregarded anyone who showed up into his life and rarely showed them any appreciation. But now, all that’s changed and Subaru has finally reached the peak of his emotions.

After a series of events, some strenuous and others lighthearted, Subaru now understands other people’s feelings. He’s learning to be empathetic and it’s only now, when he can no longer reach out to his parents, that he figures out how much he meant to them, particularly to his mother Saho. Subaru’s mother left behind a garden with flowers and plants from all the prefectures she visited with her husband, including beautiful blue flowers she thought her son would like. Subaru only realizes this after his neighbour Sonoko reveals that she’s been watering the garden to prevent its treasured flowers and plants from wilting. “This whole time, she’d been thinking of me.”

Subaru is struggling to find a fresh new idea for his next series, so Kawase suggests he take a short day trip somewhere to find some inspiration. Surprisingly enough, Subaru, who we know absolutely detests travelling, is drawn to his parents’ final trip. Watching Subaru explore Tokushima without his parents was no easy task so I can’t imagine how it must have felt for him. It took every ounce of strength I had to hold back from crying as a heartbroken Subaru collapses. Even though the experience is painful, I think he’s finally learning to cope with his loss in a healthy way.

The series has been good at describing and evoking that sensation of loss in viewers. Whether we’re watching Haru or Subaru grieve, we know that they’re both feeling the same thing. There are things we’ll always regret, but nonetheless life moves on and there are people around you who still need care and support.

Which leads me back to Haru. Under Hiroto’s supervision, Haru is at home waiting for Subaru to return. This time, unlike the last, she trusts that he’ll come back by morning because he always has in the past. There’s been quite an evolution there too, however it seems as though the trust they’ve built will now be put to the test. Subaru is unable to get back home on time because of a typhoon and based on episode twelve’s preview, it looks like Haru has gone out to look for him, losing her way home.

I’m definitely not emotionally prepared for this.

Preview