「手と手」 (Te to Te)
“Hand in Hand”

Although I am still in the process of fixing my computer, I have managed to get things running again to where I can write up a post. Thanks to Samu for the caps!

Episode 20 in a two-cour series is a grim reminder. We’ve stuck it out this far because we like (or dislike) the show enough, and with the big 20, it practically spells out the final stretch. Today’s episode is no exception, with every character going all out, a final push to their problems and challenges. I would like to keep things short by talking about a key theme in today’s episode: insecurity.

Every main character featured today suffered from some sort of insecurity, with problems that have been brewing ever since the story began. From a birds-eye view a lot of these worries seem trivial, but man, for middle schoolers who know no better, it can be hell. I sympathize particularly with Kousei’s insecurities, despite how ‘dumb’ his problems are. From a perspective of ‘lacking’ in physical and charismatic quality compared to your peers, it’s easy to make up excuses to not chase after the people you’re interested in. It sure doesn’t help as well when you’ve been told they like someone else. Even if the evidence mounts itself against it, it’s easy to brush it off with excuses like, ‘they are just nice’ or ‘I’m just a substitute’. In fact, the show hits the nail on the head especially well by showing the contrast between the deep bond that Kaori and Kousei share and the lighter-hearted laughter that Kaori and Ryouta have. For Kousei, all he can see is two beautiful people having fun, happiness, while what he can only reference are tears, sadness, and bickering. Of course it’s natural for him to feel inferior, despite how stupid it seems in hindsight.

Meanwhile for Tsubaki, her first steps into confession are also quite relatable, to the point where I’d be furious with myself. Taking the first step is always hard, but it’s always very hard to be straightforward about it. Just a few days ago actually, I sat myself down next to this person I wanted to talk to, but I left a space in between as to not seem too direct. They did seem to notice, but the whole thing was ruined when someone sat in the seat next to us. It’s dumb I know, but that’s why I can relate to Tsubaki’s own dumb actions as well. They’re far from optimal, but it’s like a key tradeoff we make in our minds between taking action and saving ourselves from embarrassment. I haven’t fully grown out of this awkward dance myself, but at 14 the indirectness is very real. Now that the show has finally crossed that barrier though, I do hope they do eventually resolve this by series end. If Kousei plays dumb and plays it off as a joke, I swear.

The least visible insecurity, and the last one for us to see, had to come from Kaori, whose life is undoubtedly coming to an end soon. I’ve talked about it in previous episodes, but it’s worth mentioning again how scared she is to make a meaningful connection at this point in her life. Socializing with Ryouta is easy because it carries no baggage, but we all know she secretly wants to bond with Kousei, to feel that thrill of being alive and connecting with the people most like you. Of all the awkward socializers on this show, Kaori has to be up top, in a constant fight between her desire for emotional security and emotional connection. During that scene where Kaori mentions a plane out of the blue really hits home how much Kaori wants Kousei to reach out to her more and vice versa. She’s a tragic type of tsundere, not wanting to show her affection for fear of getting hurt, yet secretly wanting the people she loves to defy her words. Common, yet still as hard-hitting a scene. I do hope she’s not dead yet, since I would like to see one more performance of them together, even if it’s her goodbye song to the world.

For all the melodrama and repetition this show creates, it still creates meaningful stories that are easy to relate even outside the world of music. It’s going to be hard to write the finale for this show, but it’ll be a beast I’ll like to tackle. Just a few more episodes everyone, but prepare for all the good and bad feels coming up.


  1. This show is bad for my heart. Though I know it’s probably inevitable I’m still hoping for way out. Even if it means losing something (like the ability to continue playing as she has) I hope she survives.

    No bad end…no bad end…no bad end..(shakes fist vehemently).

  2. She’s a tragic type of tsundere, not wanting to show her affection for fear of getting hurt, yet secretly wanting the people she loves to defy her words.

    To be honest, I get the impression that it’s more that Kawori doesn’t want to hurt Kousei, because she knows that she’s not going to be around much longer… She doesn’t want him to become so close to her that he’ll stop playing again after she dies.

  3. I swear the instant Kousei and Ryouta make it the hospital just too late it took everything I had not scream out in anguish. It was so real and so raw it caught me completely off guard and by the end of it I was clutching my mouth trying to hold back painful tears. This is ridiculous, I hated this show a few weeks ago.

  4. I really have no idea what Watari thinks.. He knew Kousei like Kaori… He probably know that Kaori feels the same.. But he still decided to flirt w/ her whenever he get a chance lol

  5. Oh man this is so awful. That ending was so painful.
    When she dies…oh this is all going to hurt.
    My heart isn’t ready for this. It’s the SAO2 ending all over again, except it’s stretched out into like 10+ episodes of sadness and pain.

  6. When the vet guy came out and asked Kousei if he was OK, after he’d delivered the bad news about the cat (Chelsea?), I was just sitting there thinking:
    “Please don’t be fobbed off by his auto-pilot/polite ‘I’m okay’ , please. Ask again and really make sure, or at least invite him in to sit down for a while, make him tea or something, or ask him if there’s anyone he could call to come keep him company…or SOMETHING!”
    I know that it’s a tall order, especially considering he’s a stranger and all but I was just hoping that every measure possible would be taken to make sure Kousei doesn’t fall through the cracks again…..
    In other words, I am WAY too emotionally invested in this show.

  7. The foreshadowing is starting to physically hurt…

    Back from episode 11:
    At the end of the episode when Kaori and Kousei were beside Doryo Bridge:

    Kaori catches a firefly.

    “So ephermeral and weak. But it’s shining with all its might. Thump, thump, just like a heartbeat. This is the light of life.

    “Uh, testing, testing. How was it? Your first competition is ages?”

    “You know what, I felt it there. That everyone has something deep within their hearts. For some it might be hostility, aspirations, hopes, or the desire to show off. To think, “Let it reach them.” Feelings for my mom. We all had our personal emotions to lean on. Maybe it’s not possible for someone to get up on stage in an innocent state.”

    “What about you? What did you have in your heart? What did you lean on?”

    “I had you.”

    “Let’s go home.”

    To herself: “You know, I’m not always going to be around to help you…”-Charlie Brown

    Back from episode 13:

    Ochiai-sensei: “There’s an ever-present sorrow hanging over Arima-kun’s music. If the death of his beloved mother triggered something in him…then it’s a demon’s path he must walk. His growth is spurred by sorrow. If Kousei is to walk that path, he might have to lose someone in order to move forward.”

    Episode 18: Because of the feels.
    Kaori: I’m just gonna start dreaming again, of waltzing again with you. I just might.

    and then….this. T_T


    “Your hands are happy to be touching mine. I’m glad it’s you.”


    And as if i’m not bawling already, the next episode is called “Snow”. Clannad left me with a terrible love/hate relationship with snow because bad things happen when it snows.

    We’re already strapped in and waiting for the last drop. We can’t avoid it anymore; this roller coaster ride is coming to end soon and there is nothing we can do to stop it. I only hope we are still in one piece by the end of this… “Your Lie in April” has very quickly become one of my favorite anime, ever. I’m sure i didn’t hit all of the foreshadowing scenes, but i’m pretty sure i hit the important ones.

    The meaning of the title, “Your Lie in April”? Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

      1. I’ve been reading along with the manga as well. I had a hunch about the meaning but yes, as you said, it became very clear in the letter, which I thought was magnificent. T_T

  8. Manga finshed.

    Dropping this now since I doubt the animated ending will hold a candle to the manga.
    Enjoyed the ride though, but knowing what the last 2 eps are going to bring and how, I just can’t be bothered.

    If I want to go down a big feels trainwreck I’ll just put on the Grave of the Fireflies BR again :/


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