「星と少年」 (Hoshi to Shounen)
“The Boy and the Planet”
I’m glad that’s over.
That’s Not Sougo
The opening scene of this episode was all right. It was idyllic but eerie, making it clear that the Sougo with Felia wasn’t the real Sougo, and lighting and the OST were both used to good effect, making fake-Sougo seem more menacing. I would have liked it if Felia had done something to crack the illusion, if she had been active instead of passive up until the villain’s composure cracked for no reason and she/it gave the game away. I also can’t believe that an ideal world exists, because I’ve become too cynical thanks to the harshness of reality. (A better world, sure, but not an ideal one.) Still, it wasn’t bad.
Then it was revealed that the other guardian was a magic space trilobite. Then it got worse.
That’s No Moon
I expect a certain amount of flexibility in my genre fiction. Sci-fi doesn’t have to align exactly with real world physics, and fantasy can do just about anything through the proper application of a good magic system. But this is too much. Basic physics weeps at this travesty. Two planets, if they’re this close to each other, will tear each other apart in a maelstrom of gravitational force, and this series hasn’t shown bullshit pseudo-magic enough to make that not happen. Even where the earth is at the end is probably too close, and by the way—the earth? Really? I’d almost praise that as a clever turn, and they didn’t belabor it too much, but what planet are they on? It isn’t Mars. Mars is 53% the size of earth. Maybe Gift is Venus in an alternate universe where that planet is less of an asshole, but all this just pulls me out of the narrative with a half-cocked attempt at a climate change/arrogance of humanity message, I’m assuming.
Look, I’m fine if you want to do some climate change fiction. Apparently cli-fi is a genre now, though that’s really just old-fashioned sci-fi with a new name. But it works better if you do that from the beginning, instead of springing it on us in a lame surprise in the final episode. And those planets should be both dead. And the damn villain is a magic trilobite. Gods!
The Battle For Sougo’s Soul
I do appreciate how Felia finally took action at the end, even if she was just as stupid about it as Sougo always was. Suuuure, just chase after the evil trilobite like an idiot, you’ll figure something out. Everything past that was classic Comet Lucifer idiocy, including how Felia beat the evil angel usurper with a stray lucifer crystal that it just forgot to absorb, because what else were they going to do? Let both planets perish and Sougo die? (I wish.)
Thanks For The Shitty Epilogue
Of course Kaon got paired off with Roman. There was almost no chemistry between them, but you just had to tie up the loose ends, didn’t you? I’d rather of seen Roman end up with Otto, instead of Otto becoming an astronaut to Roman’s Elon Musk. Though actually, I liked the astronaut thing, because it was stupid but still kind of nice for Otto, who didn’t suck much. (Ditto to Puck, since it fit him.) But Vee as a dairy farmer? Dairy farmers are cool, but she already had a job. And Gus cooking… Ugh. I need whiskey. I need an entire bottle of whiskey.
Final impressions below
tl;dr: @StiltsOutLoud – Gravity would have shaken those two planets apart. I kinda wish it had. Final impressions: Well, that was dumb #cometlucifer 12 END
- During the opening scene, I was going to say, “Much like Return of the Sith, this could be the best episode, on account of all the ones before it being so bad.” Then we got to the magic trilobite. Nevermind.
- Awww, Earth is alive again. Wait … where’d all the water and stuff come from?
My first novel, Wage Slave Rebellion, is available now. (More info—now in paperback!) Sign up for my email list for a FREE sequel novella. Over at stephenwgee.com, the last four posts: $%&@* cuss words, Stephen, what is best in life?, It depends, and Momentum & mental space.
No two ways around this, folks. This was bad. This series was baaaad. I’ve blogged some stinkers before, but this was perhaps the worst one. The first episode was okay. It was shaky after that. Then it got progressively worse, until it danced around at the bottom of the barrel like it was Gollum having a chat with itself. This is so bad I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, because it would just put them to sleep. It stinks worse than Pasadena. (Houstonians will get that one.)
I’m going to make these final impressions short, because there’s no use rehashing everything this series has done badly. We’d be here all day. There’s only one group I would suggest this series to: aspiring storytellers. The reason I continued blogging this after it became clear it was tripe was out of a twisted sense of pride, and because I perversely enjoyed tearing apart what exactly went wrong with this shitshow. In the same way that doctors learn more from a sick patient than a healthy one, storytellers can learn more from a bad story than from a good one. That’s because bad stories are usually bad in a few ways, whereas good stories can be good for all sorts of reasons. If you want to tell stories, especially if you want to do it for a living, you might get some value out of this show. Just be sure to file nearly everything it did under “How Not To Do It” in your mental filing cabinet.
For everyone else, if you haven’t suffered through it yet, don’t bother. Run away. This series is bad, and it should feel bad. I only hope the team and 8-bit who crapped out this monstrosity will learn from their (many) mistakes, and come back stronger next time.
To everyone who stuck with me through this travesty of a show, thank you. To everyone who watched it because I was still blogging it, I’m sorry. Someday I’ll learn when to give up. Hopefully before I end up like Sougo. Fuck me.