Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu – 17

「僕は知りたい」 (Boku wa Shiritai)
“I Want to Know”

Are they or aren’t they- that’s the question. It’s certainly on Kyou’s mind the whole time. Everyone else spots it immediately- Suwa, Kana. But he still can’t entirely accept it. For the record though, I personally wouldn’t consider it a date unless it was explicitly said or discussed. He and Anna are still at the point of circling around the topic. Coming up with excuses on both ends to make it “a date but not a date” like “free tickets” certainly doesn’t bring any closure.

The headliner is, of course, that Anna sneaks a date (but really, not a date. Blush.) on Kyou, a trip to HOHO Cinemas (Toho Cinemas), to see a romance movie, no less. Anna shouldn’t need to apologize for that. Would he have the courage to ask her? No. Would he want to ask her? Yes. But Anna is still in the process of working through her own personal hang ups and apologizing is part of that.

En route to the main feature, Anna and Kyou stop for Takoyaki (one of my favorite foods). Just when Kyou’s trying to get into stealth mode, who should be working at the Takoyaki shop, but big sis. She’s proud as anything to have him there, but I’m sure for Kyou, it feels like he’s been caught with his pants down or something. It hurt to see Kana’s coworker’s less than enthusiastic reaction to her, especially after Kyou telling Anna hard Kana was trying. And in front of her little brother too. I will say though from experience, Takoyaki does take some practice to make. Flip it too soon and it crumbles, but leave it on too long, it burns and gets unevenly browned. It occurred to me while watching this that Kana’s experience resonates with Anna’s. They both practice really hard at something but still can’t measure up while the newbies plow on full steam ahead. Anna seems to be done giving up for the time being, at least with modelling, and I hope Kana keeps on too.

The whole Takoyaki scene was adorable- even if Kyou’s in denial, they certainly have couple vibes going with him feeding her that Takoyaki. Seriously though Kyou, just stop with the vague answers. I know he’s afraid of getting the wrong idea and getting rejected or giving her a bad reputation by association with him. But Anna clearly wants him to be at the shoot, to include him in her life. She’s not a mind reader and is sensitive about rejection, which he knows, so a vague answer is of course going to make her anxious and give her the wrong idea that she’s making him uncomfortable or he’s not interested. Anna and Kyou each have their struggles with self-esteem that manifest in different ways. While that serves as a bonding point between them, it could also potentially serve as a wedge, if they don’t work on the communication part. (Which I don’t see as becoming a problem, giving how they’ve been working at opening up over the course of their relationship).

Kyou still lacks confidence (Suwa (Saiga Mitsuki) diagnosed it dead on- “you’ve got a massive inferiority complex”). This surfaces especially during Anna’s photo shoot when he starts thinking down on himself, that there’s no way he’s worthy enough to be with Anna, that nothing he could give her could measure up to others. When Kyou says that he respects her, the word he uses is “sonkei”, which basically means looking up at and admiring someone who’s miles better than you, whose level you’ll never reach. Which he’s 100% wrong on that score- Anna would most certainly have preferred the cute conbini cake over the fancy macaroons because it came from Kyou. Anna has the courage to acknowledge, to own what she likes, her chosen career, because of Kyou.

If their relationship is going to work in the future, Kyou’s going to have to get over this hurdle. Anna’s going to continue being surrounded by industry “big shots” and if Kyou can’t accept himself, can’t accept his worthiness for her, there’s no way he’ll be able to handle the relationship. It will collapse. Kyou’s shown a lot of growth over the past 17 episodes, so I’ll put my trust in him and his ability to grow further so that doesn’t become an issue.

While Kyou may be vague and insecure, he is one of the most considerate anime characters out there. He pays attention to small details, like remembering Anna’s movie and reading the book or stopping to get her a cute dessert. For someone like Anna craving affirmation and friendship, Kyou’s actions, even if they seem cringey to him, do not go unnoticed by her, in fact, they mean the world to her. So much so, that she talks about him like her “pride and joy” to her manager. And that look on Anna’s face when Kyou called her pretty- priceless.